Dear Lord

I am continually restless. I am anxiously waiting for this baby to arrive and it seems as if until that day arrives I am bored in everything I do. I don't feel like doing anything not because I am tired but because I just want the baby to be here. It's like looking ahead to an important event and you want it to come so quickly you forget about all you should be doing before that time arrives. I worry too that I will be able to handle the pressures of being a mom to a two year old and a newborn baby. I know that I am going to try to do it all and I'm going to fail. Lord you know my heart and you know the thoughts that race through my head. I cannot seem to shut off my brain long enough to be in prayer. So many thoughts come into my head and I get distracted. Some days my faith seems like such a struggle. I don't feel like getting into the word because I never seem to understand any of it. I want that peaceful understanding relationship with you but I just don't know how to get there. Maybe that's my problem. I am trying to do it on my own and I need to let go and no that I cannot do it, but You can. I have to be reminded daily that I am nothing without you and I do not do anything good on my own. John 15:5 ~ I am the vine and you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do NOTHING! I cannot do anything without You and Your work in me. Why is it so hard to make myself helpless before you. Because it makes me vulnerable and that's a scary place to be. Do not fear says the Lord for I am with you. You are a comforter and a healer. Lord may I always lay my burdens at your feet and may I alway let go of my heart to You. Continue to work in my life and thank you for never giving up on me but for continuing to call out to me and to continually bring me back to you. Thank you for blessing my life with a wonderful husband, a beautiful little girl and now the blessing of this miracle growing inside of me that will soon be in my arms. I do nothing to deserve Your blessings that You continue to pour out before me. Sometimes I wonder how and why you can love an ungrateful, spoiled child like myself. Lord open my eyes and show me how to give back to You and to be Your faithful servant. Change my heart for Your glory and let me live my days for You and Your eternal glory.